Freshman 15.

Telling yourself you are going to do something - is easy. Convincing yourself to do it - is a bit tougher. Actually going forward with plans - is tough. But, sticking with your goals? Now thats the real challenge.

HERES MY LEAD UP TO MY CURRENT WEIGHT:

I have attempted to lose weight for the past two years. First, I joined a gym across from our apartment complex. I brought myself and my boyfriend passes for 3 months. He never wanted to go with me. I went a few times but never got into the way I used to be. We moved by the time my 3 month pass was over. The weight began to stick on. At that point, I found a job at a pole/chair fitness studio and became a front desk coordinator. I also began filling in classes. I loved the job but got a better money opportunity with becoming a nanny again....

We hit two patches of near break ups - due to stress levels. I decided I'd make my own changes. I brought a treadmill and placed it in our spare room - eventually moving it into our bedroom. I began making video blogs of my running/power walking and healthy eating. I kept a food journal as well. I lost a bit of weight but began having severe back issues.

We began facing issues with hearing the house we were renting was facing foreclosure - we battled multiple sh**ty roommates, and then I began my own business. Between all that stress...the weight hit hard. I was so busy and occupied with working - I didnt work out or make an effort to eat very healthy. By then - we hit the one year anniversary of breaking off our engagement - by then, we were done with our lease and looking for a new place to live.

The search was fortunately easy - but the stress we had endured was INTENSE. My boyfriend through out his back, was no longer working a full time job and moved on to retail/sales gigs. He was unhappy and in a lot of pain. Issues of money and all were piling up. Food became my comfort.

This would put us in Spring 2011. We found a new place to live - bigger, nicer and more content. We decided to have a friend move in. Her and I kept to eating healthy - we even would go for walks or bike rides. The guys even decided to run and get fit. I continued eating healthy - and decided to take on a few part time jobs -- all basically revolved around beauty [hair and tanning salons]. That is when I realized....I didnt look awesome. Clothes began fitting tighter...I panicked.

I ended up working alongside of a stylist I had gone to school with. She had already been a beautiful, sexy girl. But....she didnt feel that way about herself. To the point that she got NUMEROUS plastic surgeries to change her body, boobs, nose and more. She looked "hot" but so fake....everything from her tan to nails to hair. Fake. Fake. Fake.

I couldnt work there anymore...it made me feel worse about myself and I could tell I was being judged. I quit. I ended up quitting the tanning salon to give myself the opportunity to work at another salon. A more low key one.

While working there - I made attempts to still work out and eat healthy. Once again - not the thinnest girl there...My boss had noticed my weight loss and made a nice comment...but, it made me realize...how big am I?!

It became a battle of CLOTHES....and not feeling attractive.

I was feeling out of options....I moved my business to a more beneficial location. So my mind was once again occupied...before I knew it, the holidays were over....and here was 2012.

I had officially gained at least 30 pounds since my engagement ended, 80% of my clothes didnt fit, I was quitting jobs due to my self esteem, I was avoiding bars and going out with my boyfriend because I didnt want to see hot girls and realize, I look HORRIBLE. I didnt like watching my boyfriend stare at other females - in a lusting way. Id never blame him...I blame[d] myself.

SO...I WAS READY. January 2012...was my mental turn-around.

Read Next Blog for What I did!

"weighing" in my options

Alrighty - so once it was clear to me - that I needed to make a change for my HEALTH. I knew it was important...but I wasnt fully sold on it. What else could convince me that I deserved to look great, feel great and be great? Here's what I came up with ::

1. GOD. He gave me a healthy mind and body. I dont need to fill it with toxic food - which I dont even like to begin with. I dont need to drink - which was a good portion of the weight I gained, especially in my stomach and boobs. GOD needs to see me respect myself.
2. MYSELF. I need my self esteem to match my personality and vice versa. 
3. MY FUTURE. I cant continue to allow my body to slowly break down and become a risk factor when I am this young. In my future, I plan to be a wife, mom, and ALIVE. I cant do that if I allow myself to venture into being overweight/unhealthy. 
4. MY LOVE LIFE.  At some point - my boyfriend could decide...HEY, this girl actually LOOKS good and takes care of her body. Men are men. Im not looking to be a dumb skinny bimbo -- but Id like to be brains, bod and beauty. ;-) I want to feel confident during sex. [READ MORE BLOGS]
5. OPPORTUNITIES. This is an unsaid thing...but those who weigh more, lack advantages skinnier people do. I dont mean ALL overweight/obese people but the generality of them. For example - Ive worked within fitness centers for six years -- not being the skinny person there...is awkward. I feel as if I am a sore thumb. *I* remove myself from getting to know coworkers or going out with them because I feel like the bigger, ugly one. Which...honestly, I dont even think they feel. 

So...here it was...the opportunity to lose weight. God handed me my window of opportunity. It was time for the season of Lent. I decided to give up my "leave it for tomorrow" attitude and finally decided. TO MAKE THE CHANGE.

Keep Reading to Learn How!

Battling with Weight

This is the most embarrassing topic I will ever cover in my entire life. This is something I have battled since I was a young child. [I'll make new posts for those horror stories]. Regardless. I am currently 24 years old and am at one of my highest known weights. [nearly skimming above 190].

I am 5'2 and athletic. That weight....is not acceptable. It is super unhealthy. Sure, I understand you can weigh a lot and still be in great shape and health. But I know I am not. Why?

Because in the past 8 months or more...my bras do not fit properly, I've even broken/ripped a couple because the weight of my size C boobs have gotten so much heavier. I've definitely cried about it. Aside from the $60.00 down the drain per bra. It was such a disappointment for myself. Ive been a B/C cup since middle school. That didnt change through out the years. So....for me to finally be busting bras?! Not okay. I expected that for when I got pregnant or older.

Not only that....but for months - I had severe pains. They would come and go - mainly revolving around my hips and sides. Throbbing would take place - on days/weeks that I wasnt having a period. That was another issue - I have had my period since FIFTH GRADE [1998!] and it was pretty regular - aside from when I was 18 and lost my viriginity.

I began skipping periods of 5 months - 2 months and still currently skipping every so often. Periods should generally only change when you are severly underweight, overweight, have a super poor diet, or something along those lines. I took the proper course of action and hit the doctors office. I underwent blood work, tests for high blood pressure, pregnancy tests and ultrasounds - every one of those came back clean. The doctor didnt even give me a rap about my weight increase.

Which of course...gave me a false sense of hope. I figured - oh hey, you just have a belly. So what?! Youve nearly always had one. No problem.
WRONG.

My weight was causing these issues - whether someone wanted to admit it or not. But now what?!

See next post for more details.

Who am I?

My name is Chanel. I started my own advice column in 2009. I created the name - Essentials by Chanel. I continued writing for Eye on Annapolis.Net on occassion as emails would come in for advice. I feel as if I did a great job.

I am a young professional from Arnold Maryland.

I need a place for myself to release thoughts, advice and tips. I am not a professional in most areas that I am going to cover -- but someone with experience.

Thanks for reading!