Freshman 15.

Telling yourself you are going to do something - is easy. Convincing yourself to do it - is a bit tougher. Actually going forward with plans - is tough. But, sticking with your goals? Now thats the real challenge.

HERES MY LEAD UP TO MY CURRENT WEIGHT:

I have attempted to lose weight for the past two years. First, I joined a gym across from our apartment complex. I brought myself and my boyfriend passes for 3 months. He never wanted to go with me. I went a few times but never got into the way I used to be. We moved by the time my 3 month pass was over. The weight began to stick on. At that point, I found a job at a pole/chair fitness studio and became a front desk coordinator. I also began filling in classes. I loved the job but got a better money opportunity with becoming a nanny again....

We hit two patches of near break ups - due to stress levels. I decided I'd make my own changes. I brought a treadmill and placed it in our spare room - eventually moving it into our bedroom. I began making video blogs of my running/power walking and healthy eating. I kept a food journal as well. I lost a bit of weight but began having severe back issues.

We began facing issues with hearing the house we were renting was facing foreclosure - we battled multiple sh**ty roommates, and then I began my own business. Between all that stress...the weight hit hard. I was so busy and occupied with working - I didnt work out or make an effort to eat very healthy. By then - we hit the one year anniversary of breaking off our engagement - by then, we were done with our lease and looking for a new place to live.

The search was fortunately easy - but the stress we had endured was INTENSE. My boyfriend through out his back, was no longer working a full time job and moved on to retail/sales gigs. He was unhappy and in a lot of pain. Issues of money and all were piling up. Food became my comfort.

This would put us in Spring 2011. We found a new place to live - bigger, nicer and more content. We decided to have a friend move in. Her and I kept to eating healthy - we even would go for walks or bike rides. The guys even decided to run and get fit. I continued eating healthy - and decided to take on a few part time jobs -- all basically revolved around beauty [hair and tanning salons]. That is when I realized....I didnt look awesome. Clothes began fitting tighter...I panicked.

I ended up working alongside of a stylist I had gone to school with. She had already been a beautiful, sexy girl. But....she didnt feel that way about herself. To the point that she got NUMEROUS plastic surgeries to change her body, boobs, nose and more. She looked "hot" but so fake....everything from her tan to nails to hair. Fake. Fake. Fake.

I couldnt work there anymore...it made me feel worse about myself and I could tell I was being judged. I quit. I ended up quitting the tanning salon to give myself the opportunity to work at another salon. A more low key one.

While working there - I made attempts to still work out and eat healthy. Once again - not the thinnest girl there...My boss had noticed my weight loss and made a nice comment...but, it made me realize...how big am I?!

It became a battle of CLOTHES....and not feeling attractive.

I was feeling out of options....I moved my business to a more beneficial location. So my mind was once again occupied...before I knew it, the holidays were over....and here was 2012.

I had officially gained at least 30 pounds since my engagement ended, 80% of my clothes didnt fit, I was quitting jobs due to my self esteem, I was avoiding bars and going out with my boyfriend because I didnt want to see hot girls and realize, I look HORRIBLE. I didnt like watching my boyfriend stare at other females - in a lusting way. Id never blame him...I blame[d] myself.

SO...I WAS READY. January 2012...was my mental turn-around.

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