Block in the Roadway

SO THIS BLOG IS OUT OF ORDER -- its a present day blog. Sorry -- but I need this off my chest now.

Two Fridays ago...I had my boyfriend, decide to not come home. I had dinner waiting and plans set for the night. Around 7, he let me know he'd be having dinner at his 'usual' spot with his business partner. [male]. Around 830, he suggested he wouldnt be coming home due to 'work'. I decided to call the bluff. I was right. He said he'd be home soon -- soon to me, meant an hour, maybe two. Not four hours later. My emotions hit an all time high - I ignored my dinner. Nerves hit - was he cheating? was he out drinking? was he with another girl? I had a friend to calm my nerves and let me cry it out. Eventually....I just went to bed. I had gotten a call from him after 1am - asking to come meet him at our friends place cause he wanted to hang out. I was exhausted and mainly shocked. I didnt meet up with him - something did not feel right.

He got home eventually - drunk as a skunk - which is very unlike him. FIRST RED FLAG.
I decided to ask him what was up - he said they stayed drinking late. NEXT RED FLAG.
I asked if he knew the bartenders names. RIGHT AWAY they popped out....RED FLAG.
I asked, do you want to be single? Do you want other women? No of course not - LIE.
I decided to snoop - and found out, he had googled a translator to speak chinese to a women he found'hot'. At 6am - I woke his ass up to figure out wtf was going. He claimed it was a joke [LIE].

I was unsetteled. I spent all Saturday on HIGH STRUNG nerves. I skipped the gym. I didnt eat the entire day. I knew something was wrong...but had no idea what. He was hungover for the day - and his plans with his buiness partner fell through. He watched TV, barely speaking, for the entire day. I gave him that space and just kept to myself. He finally offered for us to hang out. I was surprised but took it.

We decided to go bowling together. We had an amazing time - which I think was a shocker to both of us. He even suggested we go to my parents house - we didnt stay too long though. I was pleasantly happy with how I felt.

Sunday -- came and went. He was gone nearly all day with sports. I had spent it with two friends running errands. I had dinner over my parents house -- but, I cant even say I had dinner. I looked at it. I moved it around and brought it home for my boyfriend.

We have had weeks of stressful landlord situations and Sunday/Monday were the pitfall of the situation. It was tearing all of us in the house into pieces and coming back for more.

I began feeling weaker, my energy level was fading...fast. I was starting to use my emotions as a block for food now. Which wasn't good because once again - it was going to affect all my progress, all my hard work. I had skipped the gym for the second day in a row.

My entire body was SCREAMING - something is wrong and you need to find out whats happening. I asked my boyfriend again if there was anything up...and he dismissed me.

MONDAY....

I decided I needed to go to the gym and get my stress out the right way, so I did. I actually started running, which felt great. Im hoping to be at a full speed within a month or so. I was watching my nephew that afternoon. My boyfriend is normally home by mid-evening, he rolled in super late again. He only briefly saw my nephew. Normally he loves seeing him, but not tonight. No enthusiasm. As soon as he got picked up, I pulled out dinner and began getting to the bottom of everything.

I knew what was coming...he was 'confused' and 'lost'. We had been in this place before, but this time, it felt different. I didnt know why, but I was going to find out.

I put down my dinner. I listened to everything he had to say. HE was 'overworked/underpaid', 'stressed with the house situation', 'needed to live alone', 'doesnt want to be in a relationship right now'. All over his face I saw his distress. This was another influence...someone convinced him this is what he needed...and not recently either. This was ongoing...but who? A girl? A business partner? A friend?..... SURVEY SAYS : A & B --- A resulted from B....who would have thought?!

I cried...Ignored food for the next week. I skipped the gym. My energy levels had plummted. Monday wasnt when I got my direct answer if this was definite. He kept saying he felt it was a mistake, so I waited it out. Which absolutely killed me...literally. I dropped ten pounds in a week.

Am I happy to see a difference on the scale? YES! Am I happy its a result of poor eating [well, not eating] and not working out? Not at all.

Am I happy its because I lost someone I deeply love? Not in the slightest.

So what happened? How am I? Where's my weight? Did I get back on track?? Keep reading.