Picking It Up

My body is slowly getting the itch to get back into working out - itd be the best release. Id be able to take my aggression out the right way. Unfortunately - Ive got no energy source yet. It took me 5 hours to finish ONE breakfast item without needing to get rid of it. Work was good - I got to talk it out.

Throughout my extra shifts - I was able to talk about everything with a coworker and a client. It felt good to say it aloud to people who didnt know me outside of the gym. There was no bias. Just honest ears listening and giving advice.

I refrained from messaging my ex through-out the day. Instead, I texted and FB'd with lots of friends. I decided to finally get a hold on which tattoo I wanted. Most areas Id like to put certain tattoos - need to slim down first. Ive been weighing myself everyday still. Im keeping the weight off and still dropping.

My daily nerves are gone for the most part but the emotions are still floating around inside of me. Making the thought of daily meals or working out - near impossible. Driving alone has gotten much better. I just blast the music, louder than normal.

I went home after work - deciding to just take a full day to myself. I sat there singing and singing for about an hour. I played all these old songs:

• This I promise you - NSYNC
• Going Under - Evanescence
• My Immortal - Evanescence
• Bring me to Life - Evanesence
• Broken - Seether and Amy Lee
• I will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
• Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

what finally made me cry and lose my ability to hit any note: I knew I loved you before I met you - Savage Garden. In  no way does it relate to my ex. Its the story behind that song. It came out when I was in Elementary School. It was 4th grade when I became a big fan of Savage Garden - my then best friend and I used to sing and sing to their CD all day long. We even made music videos. I can still recall the music video....I can recall my mornings getting pretty for school, just to see certain boys. It took me back to where I thought life was so tough...yet, here I am.

I began moving and packing things - I put things I wanted to sell in my roommates room - just to give me a piece of mind...and probably even my ex. It helped to see me just toss things I was holding onto. I need to let go of my childhood and realize - hey, this is your time.

As they say "burn the candles, have the desert or two, wear the lingerie" dont save it for the future caues you dont know.....