Boyfriend Application Requirements

Here is my "List". I never thought Id make one of these but now I know why they exist. This may seem snobby or rude...but Im tired of running through the same f____ issues with men. GET OVER YOURSELVES and MAN UP!

1. Must Love Dogs. 
• Now, I dont mean, you can tolerate a cute little puppy. I mean, you must LOVE dogs. My boys are everything to me. If you wont play or let them snuggle next to you on a couch or let them come in the car for rides or outings or you dont understand that concept of them coming first and not being in a crate - THEN GET TO STEPPING. 
2. If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything - Marilyn Monroe
• I need to laugh. Smiling and laughing are two of my best qualities and I want them brought out often! Life is too hard and complicated to always be miserable. If you cant be yourself around me and goof around - then DONT LET THE DOOR HIT YOUR ASS.
3. Prince Charming didnt wait for destiny to kick in - he manned up!
• Dont propose on our first - or even 10th date. That is, unless you honestly feel that its meant to be. Otherwise, slow your roll and know your place. Im not diamond chasing or gold digging. Im perfectly content with waiting for all the major commitments. NOW, with that said, do not let 8 years come and go - without even THINKING, that you need to put a ring on it. Otherwise - TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT [Beyonce puns lol]
4. I dont mind hobbies - but I do mind when they are more important than your actual girlfriend...at all times.
• You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in I can't believe you kiss your car good night C'mon baby tell me - you must be jokin', right! Okay, so you've got a car That don't impress me much So you got the moves but have you got the touch Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night - Shania Twain
5. My Humps and My Lovely Lady Lumps.
• Okay fellas - this one is a doozy. I overall - pretty content with my body. I expect you to be the same...and IF you are, awesome. BUT - in public - dont smack my ass constantly, dont nip-twist me and dont expect to dry hump me. Thats HS bullshit and Im not having it. Next - Do not sit there and ask me to send you 'nude' photos - cause you wont get them. I think its overall stupid and im not about it. MAINLY - because you dicks decide to share them or use them AFTER we've broken up. Ive never had this happen [BECAUSE IM NOT DUMB ENOUGH TO SEND THEM] but Ive seen it happen to close friends. Now - once we are definitely dating - ill send you fun teases and whatnot. Sure. 
6. "if you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends" - Spice Girls "wannabe"
• IDK What the Spice Girls were smoking - but I want the EXACT opposite. Yes, I want you to get along with my friends [girls and guys]. But here's what I dont want or appreciate. If you've slept with more than 45% of my girlfriends - the slutty ones not considered - then GET UP OFF OF MY BED and out the door. I dont want you sexting them or requesting photos or making out with them while expecting to make out with me. If you find my friends attractive - GREAT, I probably do too. But, if you intend or have thoughts about them - then, id MUCH rather hook you two up - then deal with your immature self. 
7. Haters are going to Hate. Players are Going to Play. Ballers they going to ball. Shot callers they going to call. - 3LW
• A cheater is a cheater. Plain and Simple. If I figure out or ask about your track record - Im sorry but I will judge you. I wont misjudge you but I most certainly will watch my ass at all times. Drama is not apart of my life - once I feel it out - I literally kick and block you out or whomever starts it. I have a lot of ex-boyfriends/flings and tons of friends - I dont expect you to like everyone but I do expect R-E-S-P-E-C-T to not just me - but all of them. Now granted - if someone steps out of line - then go for it. Otherwise - chill your nerves and realize - Im with YOU, not them. I make my own judgements and decisions - no matter how persuasive some people can be.
8. Guy Friends are Here to Stay.
• Ive had close guy friends since Elementary School - literally. Now - Ive learned that there needs to be a cut off to how 'close' they become or how often they should be around - and WHEN to be around. REGARDLESS - at the end of the day, those are my boys. I dont care if they are strictly a friend or a near second brother or someone Ive slept with/dated - they arent going anywhere. I wont put them above you or act as if they have 'seniority' over you - because thats not true. My boyfriends are pretty high up in my book. If this is an issue - then grab your tissue - and see you on the flip side.
9. Blood is Thicker then Water.
• My family is crazy. Shit is always all over the place and drama lives here. My brother is super chill - my sister is wild [and pretty attractive - most of the time] - my parents are super super friendly but they are parents nonetheless. I want a guy who is going to enjoy being around family, being around for most holidays and sitting through each family member. If family is not your thing - then PLEASE PLEASE step away now. NEXT - I may bitch and moan about things that happen or people within my family - but that is MY place. If I even hear you curse or put down someone in my family - without FULL reasonable cause - Ill probably knock your jaw. Its almost as if that kid saying "no one can push my brother around but me". Same shit here. Dont mess with my family. LAST - If you find my sister attractive or my mom - good for you. Feel free to point it out once or twice - otherwise SHUT the fuck up and keep your thoughts to yourself. If you cant seem to get over it - then GOODBYE. Im not even going to say - try it out - cause if you are trying to get with me...then I know DAMN well - they arent interested. We are all very opposite - but very keyed into one thing - you mean can be dogs and pigs...and lets face it, Im the dragon of the family. 
10. Bros before Hoes. Im down but guess what...im not a FUCKING HOE.
• I totally understand the Bro Code - f___ I think I nearly invented it. I want you to have you guy time - I dont care if its chilling at a bar or playing video games all night or smoking the reef or kicking back with some beers. KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF. What YOU need to understand - is that I dont need to be included in all your plans or told every f___ detail of your night. What I DO expect - is to be told that youve got plans in general, that you arent double booking shit then blaming me for it, to remember and act as if you do have a girlfriend, and for you to keep your promises - and if you cant/dont - let me know ASAP. Charge your f___ phone, answer your texts and tell the FUCKING TRUTH. Then Im straight. But the shit flys both ways... I expect to go out with and without you - I expect to have my friend time solo AND with you. If I wanted to be alone all the fucking time - id be single, got it?

So...all in all. If you can handle a guys girl but a sex kitten - then Im your lady. If you enjoy sex just as much as MOST men should [youd be surprised] - then we are golden. If you enjoy social drinking and perhaps a bit more - then we'll be the life of the party. If you love puppies and respect animals - I'll love you forever. If you know how to treat people, family and women - then Ill respect you for life. If you have goals, dreams and morals - ill bring you into mine.


Im super opinionated, I stand up for what I believe in, I enjoy being HAPPY but I do cry a lot, I can talk on the phone for hours but Im not really a phone person. I am a hopeless romantic - wanting everything Frank Sinatra and Usher sing about [love them both - frequently refer to them as my boyfriends].

I LIKE/LOVE:

God. Music. Movies. Animals. Traveling. Apple Juice. [Juice in general]. Sex. Cuddling. Making Out. Dancing. Singing in the Car. Singing in the Shower. Bubbles/Bubble Baths. Makeup. Seeing friends. Being Social. Celtics. Orioles. Steelers. Capitals. Social Media. Old School Video Games. Orange and Grape Soda. Amish Market. walking downtown. Feeding ducks. Horseback Riding. PUPPIES! Playing and Watching Sports. Learning new things. Firepits. Trips to the Beach. Swimming Pools. Changing my hair color. 

IF YOU ARE:

A LIAR. CHEATER. DRUG DEALER. HEAVY DRUG USER. ALCOHOLIC. SEX ADDICTED. PORN ADDICTED. OPEN MOUTH CHEWER. NON BELIEVER IN GOD. NOT INTO OR AWARE OF MOST SPORTS. LAZY. RUDE. ABUSIVE. CANT HANDLE A WOMAN BEING MORE SUCCESSFUL. ARE TRYING TO FULFILL FANTASIES or GET THROUGH a "list" OF certain WOMEN. DONT LIKE FOOD. DONT LIKE SOCIAL SITUATIONS. IN A BRO-LOVE Relationship. 

....THEN GET THE FUCK OFF THIS PAGE AND OUT OF MY LOVE/SEX/ROMANTIC LIFE.