SO - this week Ive had my breakdowns. This morning is really tough for me. Today, is my first official day at my job. I woke up at 530am. Again, at 630am. Got up around 7 and laid around til 730. I decided to get up to take a shower - but found myself feeling overwhelmed - and anxious.
All of me just wanted to be able to call Jimmy - and just tell him how nervous I was to meet my "kids" and get my classroom started. I wanted to see him - or just hang out with him. Then the anxiety of knowing - I dont have that special someone to run to anymore. It hurts, a lot.
Im so used to be someone's other half - or having someone as mine. I dont know when the next time will even be - not that its a huge concern of mine - but it is something boggling my mind. I dont trust people - It took me forever to let Jimmy in - and look at us now.
Im so scared to be successful on my own. Not because I dont think I can do it --- but because I know I'll be great at what I do. I dont have much self doubt - I just lack the initiative at first. Once I get going - Im fine.
A lot has changed for me since Spring. I became single. I learned what its like to feel used. I missed out on some opportunities. I had my heart completely broken - not to be put back together. Im losing the weight - I struggled with through my relationship. I closed my shop - something that defined a huge part of me. I began searching for my career path - and am bringing myself to finish my degrees.
People are thinking - "its because she's single" "jimmy's not there to hold her back" --- no one really knows. It's not about my relationship status - or whom I am dating. It was always me. I was scared - I was lacking confidence.
Now - I can prove to myself I can do it. And it scares the shit out of me.
But...too late now - Im doing this. Whether Im ready or not.
Jenn [Jimmy's sister] told me to pray through my anxiety. As soon as I began - the tears flooded out.
I will be okay.
All of me just wanted to be able to call Jimmy - and just tell him how nervous I was to meet my "kids" and get my classroom started. I wanted to see him - or just hang out with him. Then the anxiety of knowing - I dont have that special someone to run to anymore. It hurts, a lot.
Im so used to be someone's other half - or having someone as mine. I dont know when the next time will even be - not that its a huge concern of mine - but it is something boggling my mind. I dont trust people - It took me forever to let Jimmy in - and look at us now.
Im so scared to be successful on my own. Not because I dont think I can do it --- but because I know I'll be great at what I do. I dont have much self doubt - I just lack the initiative at first. Once I get going - Im fine.
A lot has changed for me since Spring. I became single. I learned what its like to feel used. I missed out on some opportunities. I had my heart completely broken - not to be put back together. Im losing the weight - I struggled with through my relationship. I closed my shop - something that defined a huge part of me. I began searching for my career path - and am bringing myself to finish my degrees.
People are thinking - "its because she's single" "jimmy's not there to hold her back" --- no one really knows. It's not about my relationship status - or whom I am dating. It was always me. I was scared - I was lacking confidence.
Now - I can prove to myself I can do it. And it scares the shit out of me.
But...too late now - Im doing this. Whether Im ready or not.
Jenn [Jimmy's sister] told me to pray through my anxiety. As soon as I began - the tears flooded out.
- God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
- i found another one on the same page that's shorter and even easier to maybe memorize lol
- Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
I will be okay.
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