Tonight concluded my first official week living apart from Jimmy. By my previous blog - you clearly see we havent actually done it the right way. But, it makes me ask myself - is that even the right statement?
How do I know this isnt the right way? Do I have to be bitter, sad and lonely? Or can I appreciate his needs and wants - and learn to figure out my own?
Today was the most quiet he's been. I randomly wrote him through the day - he responded briefly about getting together tomorrow for his court date. Otherwise, he was quiet.
I went about my day -- I watched a movie with Cody, cleaned Jenn's place, went to the gym and got my work done. I, then, listened to music outside Cadillac Ranch and watched a movie with Jenn.
My facebook notification chimed - saying Jimmy updated his status. RARE OCCURRENCE
I look and he had written the following:
So - needless to say my intuition kicked in. I realized - this wasnt just his ramblings...this was for real. And it just happened. I called him twice - I assumed he was out at a bar with one of the guys and got shut down. He called me. Which surprised me.
He wasnt drunk, or at a bar nor had come from a bar. He was at home. However - he had gotten shot down. Apparently - when golfing on Sunday - he asked a girl for her number, inviting her along to golf and out for drinks. She gave him her number and agreed. Tonight was said night - and she didnt know who he was. He decided to kinda play around but she didnt go with it - at all. IN fact, checked out immediately.
He didnt go golfing due to working pretty late. He said he wasnt interested in much but was pissed at her reaction. I laughed and said welcome to woman. We sat on the phone for maybe 30 minutes - just shooting shit, talking about how crazy his potentials will be.
He admitted - he doesnt even think he wants a successful date, just wants to realize how crazy girls really are. He then touched on the topic of Monica. Saying, even at the wedding he wasnt interested .Just needed to finally get out on a date. He said during the date - there was nothing there. I told him - its fine for a bit but he cant treat girls like that. Thats a lot of bad karma about to build up. He was slightly offended - calling me a know -it-all. But Im sure if Ana or Mark or even Monica herself, found out thats the only reason he asked her to go out - theyd be upset. At least - a real friend would be.
ANd I know what you may be thinking - hes just saying these things to make me feel better. NEWSFLASH: Jimmy doesnt spare my feelings.
Regardless - the entire conversation about him asking a girl out, wanting to try more, etc - didnt hurt or phase me. I told him this could be fun. I know the only thing that will tear me apart is the news of his sexual encounters. Atlantic City in a week and a half, may be it - but it may not be. I'll be a wreck but itll just show me the path that I need to follow.
The point of me writing all this - is because, through it all. It felt good to just be on the phone with him, and actually be joking, talking and fighting. He listened to my random advice, he made fun of me and we enjoyed talking about our day. We hadn't talked on the phone in years - mainly because we never had a reason to.
I think we are in the same boat:
Happy to Friends.
Happy to be Single.
Sad to be alone sometimes but thrilled to have the alone time.
We are still in love.
We still think there's some sort of hope.
We want to explore before we touch down - via friends, people, men/women and careers
We wont give up on each other.
How do I know this isnt the right way? Do I have to be bitter, sad and lonely? Or can I appreciate his needs and wants - and learn to figure out my own?
Today was the most quiet he's been. I randomly wrote him through the day - he responded briefly about getting together tomorrow for his court date. Otherwise, he was quiet.
I went about my day -- I watched a movie with Cody, cleaned Jenn's place, went to the gym and got my work done. I, then, listened to music outside Cadillac Ranch and watched a movie with Jenn.
My facebook notification chimed - saying Jimmy updated his status. RARE OCCURRENCE
I look and he had written the following:
A poem/rap to all the stuck up women out there...
The vibe that I'm getting
is that you're heart has been broken
but girl understand that when I asked you out
I wasn't fucking jokin
i thought you were cool
i thought you were chill
The vibe that I'm getting
is that you're heart has been broken
but girl understand that when I asked you out
I wasn't fucking jokin
i thought you were cool
i thought you were chill
my only intentions were to go out
and see how many beers we could kill
but you must of thought it was to get you in bed
for that quick 20 minute thrill
or maybe 5 minutes of head
dont get me wrong
id love to see your fine ass in a thong
but you're crazy and mean
and that's why im writing this song
so go ahead and say no
you can't hurt my feelings
and you can't hurt my flow
but remember next time you sleep with a deusch
that's why people call you
a dumb stupid HO!
A Poem by Me
and see how many beers we could kill
but you must of thought it was to get you in bed
for that quick 20 minute thrill
or maybe 5 minutes of head
dont get me wrong
id love to see your fine ass in a thong
but you're crazy and mean
and that's why im writing this song
so go ahead and say no
you can't hurt my feelings
and you can't hurt my flow
but remember next time you sleep with a deusch
that's why people call you
a dumb stupid HO!
A Poem by Me
So - needless to say my intuition kicked in. I realized - this wasnt just his ramblings...this was for real. And it just happened. I called him twice - I assumed he was out at a bar with one of the guys and got shut down. He called me. Which surprised me.
He wasnt drunk, or at a bar nor had come from a bar. He was at home. However - he had gotten shot down. Apparently - when golfing on Sunday - he asked a girl for her number, inviting her along to golf and out for drinks. She gave him her number and agreed. Tonight was said night - and she didnt know who he was. He decided to kinda play around but she didnt go with it - at all. IN fact, checked out immediately.
He didnt go golfing due to working pretty late. He said he wasnt interested in much but was pissed at her reaction. I laughed and said welcome to woman. We sat on the phone for maybe 30 minutes - just shooting shit, talking about how crazy his potentials will be.
He admitted - he doesnt even think he wants a successful date, just wants to realize how crazy girls really are. He then touched on the topic of Monica. Saying, even at the wedding he wasnt interested .Just needed to finally get out on a date. He said during the date - there was nothing there. I told him - its fine for a bit but he cant treat girls like that. Thats a lot of bad karma about to build up. He was slightly offended - calling me a know -it-all. But Im sure if Ana or Mark or even Monica herself, found out thats the only reason he asked her to go out - theyd be upset. At least - a real friend would be.
ANd I know what you may be thinking - hes just saying these things to make me feel better. NEWSFLASH: Jimmy doesnt spare my feelings.
Regardless - the entire conversation about him asking a girl out, wanting to try more, etc - didnt hurt or phase me. I told him this could be fun. I know the only thing that will tear me apart is the news of his sexual encounters. Atlantic City in a week and a half, may be it - but it may not be. I'll be a wreck but itll just show me the path that I need to follow.
The point of me writing all this - is because, through it all. It felt good to just be on the phone with him, and actually be joking, talking and fighting. He listened to my random advice, he made fun of me and we enjoyed talking about our day. We hadn't talked on the phone in years - mainly because we never had a reason to.
I think we are in the same boat:
Happy to Friends.
Happy to be Single.
Sad to be alone sometimes but thrilled to have the alone time.
We are still in love.
We still think there's some sort of hope.
We want to explore before we touch down - via friends, people, men/women and careers
We wont give up on each other.
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